Working with vulnerable teens can be a  tough task. They are very challenging. If you are working in a child care home, you know it very well how they become resistant and test boundaries. However, if you know the right way of working with them, this can be amazing.

This transition from childhood to adulthood brings wisdom that can be shown in kindness, artistic talent and in many other ways. So, building and maintaining important relationships with young people can prepare them for a bright future ahead. So, how can you do that?

Listen

Due to their power differential and authority, adults find themselves in the right position to tell children what to do. Most adults don’t listen to them deeply. You should try to learn about their experiences and lives. For this, you need to give them time. Be friendly and build confidence. Make wise moves to make sure that they see it as a safe relationship. Use this relationship to grow closer. Try being open to them. If you always try to direct them, you may not be able to identify their potential qualities. This is the right time for them to be aware and learn how to make the productive use of their strengths. They might have potential leadership qualities or some other quality.

The Human Side

To build an authentic relationship, show up your authentic self. Tell them about yourself. Share your experiences. It’s OK to disclose some things about yourself. Although this fear is genuine, children rarely manipulate the information you share. So, if you think it is appropriate, disclose something about yourself. Be you. Show them your human side. However, before you practice self-disclosure, ask yourself an important question – Is my self-disclosure in the best interest of the child? Don’t blurt things out. Get into a self-reflective state. Focus on the children and their stories. They might also practice self-disclosure.

Set Boundaries

Young people in a children care home test your boundaries. When they do, set appropriate, clear and healthy boundaries. This projects you as a reliable and trustworthy person. They find you safe to build a relationship. This puts you in a position to set boundaries. Tell them what they should not do. This allows you to show both your professionalism and relationship safety. You can set boundaries without the relationship being compromised, especially for relationally traumatized children. You can emotionally heal and correct them.

You can use the tap method here.

T – Take a breath

A – Acknowledge

P – Proceed

• It can be uncomfortable when you have to set boundaries. So, take a breath and manage your experience.
• Acknowledge how you feel. Acknowledge that you need to set boundaries.
• Proceed to actual engagement.

Don’t just demand, ask questions like “Can we go for a walk and talk?”

After this question, calmly share your experience with the children.

View Resistance as Protection

When you set boundaries, children often show resistance. They might resist some activities. Some adults tend to take this resistance personally. However, taking it personally is natural. You have to manage it as taking things personally can keep you from using your skills. This can also compromise the safety of a healthy relationship. You can use this resistance as an opportunity to make the children aware of their defence mechanism. See this resistance as protection. You can help them in gaining self-awareness. Don’t let your ego hurt the relationship. Mange it skillfully.

Learn Basic Counseling Skills   

Even when you are taking care of kids in a children care home in UK, you should learn basic counselling skills. You don’t need to attend professional training and learn how to heal past traumas. However, basic conversation skills make children feel that they are heard and witnessed.

OARS

O – Open-ended questions

A – Affirmation

R – Reflective statement

S – Summary

• Ask questions to keep the conversation focused while talking to children.
• Use strength-based statements to affirm positivity.
• Use a reflective statement to direct the children’s awareness to a goal or anything in particular.
• Summarize the conversations.

Practice Self-Care

This is the most important skill. If you are fatigued, you can’t help. You might give up and fail to develop an authentic relationship with children, especially when you are working with children dealing with trauma. Self-care is a personalized practice. Some practice mindfulness meditation. Some practice Yoga. Self-care helps you stay calm.